Friday, April 13, 2012

story time

it's time for a little story about the events that ocurred the evening of thursday, april 12, 2012.

it all started when my sister, brooke, and i decided to go get pedicures. brooke keeps making me play this draw something game and lucky for her, i draw adorable versions of celebrities that all look alike.
yes, you're right! that is donald trump. i really wish i had a screenshot of the freaking adorable elton john that i drew because it was literally the best piece of art that i have ever created.


so while we were sitting next to each other getting pedicures, drawing precious pictures back and forth, we look up and see that an episode of seinfeld is just starting. which episode of seinfeld, you ask? oh just the one when elaine makes frank costanza accompany her to the nail salon so he can translate what the korean women in the salon are saying about her because he speaks korean too. the irony people! obviously brooke and i shared some glances that meant "how funny that this episode of seinfeld is on! this situation is so awkward and hilarious!" yeah, all we have to do is look at each other and we know. we are sisters afterall.

once we were finished with our pedicures we went to pei wei for dinner but the line was suuuper long so we went to five guys because brooke "could literally (and wanted to) eat a cow for dinner."

i hope i haven't lost you because this is where it gets incredibly awkward and traumatizing and disturbing.

seriously traumatizing - let this be a warning.

so we're just sitting there devouring our cows and we hear this woman sitting close to us say to what appeared to be a 3 year old boy:

"you can have the boob when we get home."

i'm serious. i looked up at brooke. yes, we both heard it so it must be true. then she said it again. like three times.

i put down my burger because i just couldn't imagine eating anymore. brooke was somehow still able to eat because she finished her double burger and then proceeded to eat all of my fries.

as if this wasn't traumatizing enough, we overhear her (because she clearly wants us to) loudly devising a lie with the older boy (maybe 6 or 7 years old?), asking him to tell her what story he is going to tell whoever so that she can back him up. THEN she asks both boys to show her their belly buttons.

"now show me your nipples!"
"now squeeze 'em!"
"good boys!"

we should have called child protective services right then and there. i'm really regretting that we didn't. instead we ran out of the restaurant and into nordstrom rack. where almost everything is right in the world.

see, i warned you that it was traumatizing. i'm sorry, but i had to tell you.

after that we bought some matching pjs (because we're sisters), went to target, and called it a night.


Caitlin said...

you poor, poor thing. this is quite possibly the most disturbing thing I've ever heard.

Afton or Brooke said...

i do love your adorable celebrities that really do all look alike. and i want to wear my pj's all day.

shea said...

I am deeply disturbed. However I went and got a pedi on Tuesday and the nail techs were especially out of control with there Vietnamese talk and I wished Frank Costanza was there to translate.

Jess said...

Oh man. That is nuts. I don't even know what I would of done. People are so gross!!

mckenzi said...