don't judge me...

but i just love slim jims. yes, i am very much aware of the disgusting ingredients and i frankly just don't care. every time i taste that greasey goodness i am in heaven. just pure bliss.  and they are apparently not just for eating...

keeping it classy.

you know what? you can actually judge me all you want. i stand by my love for slim jims.

and you know what else? i make pickle juice popsickles from time to time. this is just who i am.

stay focused.

in a few months time it will be warm.  consistently warm.  you won't have to walk against the bitter wind causing tears to stream down your face and feel awkward when you reach your destination wiping away said tears and sniffing from the freezing temperatures and wishing you had a sign across your chest that says "i swear i'm not crying.  and trust me, if i was it would look a lot more awkward than this."  it's going to be amazing.  and i'm sure sometimes it will be a little too warm and i'll start complaining about how incredibly hot it is, but i will think back to the bitterness of this day and be grateful.  

aaaahhh, summer is just around the corner.  we all just need to stay focused and strategize how we are going to become bronze gods/goddesses.  my plans include going to the pool every available second and perhaps a trip to lake powell or to new york and montauk???  the possibilities really are endless.  in between all the work and sun time, i intend to get several buckets of chicken and have quite a few picnics over the summer.  let me know if you're interested in joining in on a great time.  

how do you intend to become gloriously tan and increase your chances for skin cancer?

failure.

i am failing at life and in turn my immune system is failing me.  go figure.

please pray for me.

i have to go to court this morning to contest a ticket.

i am slightly slash incredibly terrified.

greatest texting conversation ever.

my mom, sister, and nieces are coming to visit this weekend and it's pretty much all i've been talking about. 

this is the text message that my eight year old niece sent me...

london:  me and rheagan exited to see you!

me:  i know londie!  i can't wait!

london:  thank you for the mesge.

me:  you are very welcome, i love you so much!

london:  i love you to

how precious.  london is just too cute.

can you guess

...which precious little pudgey baby is me?  click to enlarge.

i am the one that is kind of in the middle with her diaper over her tummy that all the other babies are looking/pointing at wishing they were as cute as.  just try and tell me i was not the cutest child you have ever seen.  that's right, you can't because i was.  just kidding, just kidding...but seriously.  my dad's advertising agency did this ad for rose medical center in denver back in the day.  luckily he had a darling little daughter that was perfect the job.  unfortunately, my modeling career kind of went downhill as can be seen in the awkwardness here.

now i will just leave you with this...

unconditional love.

ladies and gentlemen, i have found mutual love. 

i have found something i love with all my heart and that something loves me right back.  i was introduced to this special something a few years ago, and my life has never been the same since. one could say that it literally changed my life.

i know you are dying to know, what is it that has paige so smitten?  oh, it's just the greatest thing to ever happen to her.  

dove unconditional chocolate ice cream.  the name does not disappoint.  it is always there when you need it and is always so incredibly satisfying.  it has a layer of ganache that you break through to get to the ice cream.  the ice cream itself is chocolate and has chocolate chunks and chocolate swirls in it.  if that doesn't sound like perfection, i don't know what does.

utah is a little behind on things (and when i say "things" i mean pretty much everything amazing) and didn't get this little piece of heaven until almost a year ago.  in colorado this puppy is not hard to find, just hop on over to your local safeway and you're good to go.  this has not been the case in utah.  unconditional chocolate had a short stint at the 7-11 on university ave. and 500 north in the winter of 2006 and disappeared much too soon.  albertson's also thought it would be a good idea to carry dove ice cream, but in every flavor except unconditional chocolate.  such a travesty.  

one night last spring i was on an ice cream run with my roommates at smith's and there it was.  i could not believe my eyes.  i started hyperventilating and proceeded to purchase this little piece of divinity.  on occasion the smith's in provo is out of it and i have to drive all the way up to orem to get it.  have you ever been to the smith's in orem?  around midnight?  slightly terrifying.  i am so passionate about this ice cream, i called ahead to the orem store to make sure they had it and asked if i could put it on hold when i was on my way up there.  sounds a little crazy now doesn't it?

go to smith's, buy it (on sale for $1.99 right now - don't worry i bought 3), and let the life changing begin.  you can thank me later.

about that time.

this happens pretty much every week.  i sit on my bed watching tv while "trying" to write a paper.  i make a little progress and then surf for a little bit and decide i should post on my blog.

so here we are.  i just made a powerpoint on the history of the bustle while watching america's next top model.  now i am watching seinfeld and have to write a two page paper on the bustle but just can't quite bring myself to do it.  not that writing a two page paper is difficult, it seems rather simple compared to that twelve page research paper i am avoiding.  can i just tell you how much i am going to enjoy not writing papers when i graduate?  i would rather take a test any day than write a paper.  i tend to do better on papers, but i just procrastinate until the very last second and make everything much more stressful than the situation warrants.  for example, i had a research proposal due last week that took more than six hours to write and when i actually put forth a little effort, it really only took about an hour and a half - if that.  why do i do this to myself?  it's almost as if i am intentionally trying to torture myself because i know full well that if i just focused i could get it done rather quickly, allowing time for fun things.  but no, i just continue on in the same fashion like i always do.  this is getting quite ridiculous.

here's a nice little tangent for you:  emma roberts is precious.  she is on the cover of april's teen vogue, yes i am almost twenty-two and have a subscription to teen vogue.  the clothes are cute and i'm not gonna lie, some of the articles are very applicable to my life.  so sue me.  

anyhow, emma roberts is just so dang cute.

this photo shoot makes me yearn for summer and want to do more photography.

making some changes.

so i have been thinking about it for a while and i finally did it. i cut my hair. i have had long hair since my senior year of high school and since i am now a senior in college, i thought it was about time for a change.

before

and drum roll please...

yes, my face is rather awkward in this picture.

and another recent development/change in the life of pudge: i started exercising! sarah and i go to a step kardio fusion class three times a week and i have to admit i kind of love it. the class started in january and i can tell such a difference. i have higher endurance, my abs are as hard as a rock, and when i flex my arms there is a bump! who knew, right? our teacher on saturdays is amazing - my chest and legs are so sore, i can barely move. but i half love the pain because i know it's working. i am pretty sure i am becoming addicted to working out and it is slightly awkward.

i'm a whole new pudge!

fear of the unknown.

as many of you know, i live my life in fear. i am afraid of everything and i don't know why. one of these fears that has been occupying my mind a lot lately is my fear for the future and i have this overwhelming feeling of uncertainty.

remember when you first came to college and had this little plan for your life and the thought never occurred to you that things would go even slightly different than you imagined? oh sweet naive little freshman pudge. she thought so many things of her future and little did she know, nothing would turn out the way she thought.

a huge part of me is so grateful that things haven't gone the way i though they would. i have learned so much and i wouldn't trade the majority of my experiences for anything. i have met some pretty amazing people and have grown in so many ways.

after this semester i will only have 11 credits left in college and will graduate in december. this sounds so glorious right? no more class, tests, homework, papers and the list goes on. but let's just think about this for a second. when i graduate i am going to have to get a real job in the real world. i can go anywhere in the entire world and this terrifies me. where do i go? what do i do? will my college degree have really helped find a career? honestly, my major has really just taught me how to be an amazing housewife and it doesn't look like that is going to be happening anytime soon. so, what am i going to do?

even more things to fear - complete independence. my parents aren't going to pay for anything and i am going to be completely cut off. i have a sneaking suspicion that they pay for a lot more than i think they do. what am i going to do when i have to pay my own cell phone bill and have to somehow find health and auto insurance? i don't have money for these things? how am i going to survive?

i just feel like i have no idea what my future holds and it is a little scary. is there any point to making plans and thinking about your future? is anything even going to turn out the way i think it will? how do you deal with the fear?

a beautiful weekend.

if i could use one word to describe this weekend it would be...beauty.  i had my step kardio fusion class on saturday morning, no exams, the weather was gorgeous, and i watched sofia coppola's marie antoinette twice.  

yes, i said it, twice.  i remember anxiously waiting for the movie to come out in theaters in the fall of 2006.  stacy and i saw it and left the theater a little disappointed.  i thought the music (the cure, siouxsie and the banshees, dustin o'halloran, the strokes - how could you not love it?) was amazing and promptly added it to my christmas wishlist.  i thought that was about all it had to offer.

i was definitely singing a different tune this time.  i don't think i have ever seen a prettier movie in my entire life.  the colors are beautiful, muted blues, pinks and minty greens.  the costumes were phenomenal and from what i have learned in my history of apparel class, quite accurate for the time period.  i want one of those dresses.  the food was beautiful.  can i just sit around all day and eat pretty sweets?  also, can i run around versailles all day with my friends listening to cool music?  in true sofia coppola form, there is very little dialogue in the movie, but that is part of what makes it so intriguing.  i can't exactly pinpoint what it is, but this movie has just affected me and i can't stop thinking about it.

hello gorgeous

i don't know much about the life of marie antoinette other than what i saw in the movie, but it seems to me that she had a somewhat difficult life and was misunderstood.  while i do not agree with all of her actions, spoiler alert: i.e. her affair with count fersen - though he was quite nice to look at.  but i do think she was placed in a very difficult situation at a very young age and she dealt with it the best she could - by living a life of excess.  

if you are ever in the mood for beauty and intrigue i would highly recommend marie antoinette.

*side note: i just want to let you all know that i wrote this while i was supposed to be writing a 4 page paper that is due in about 9 1/2 hours that i have barely started.  why do i do these things to myself?