Sunday, August 9, 2009

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

i hate the provo river. and i'm pretty sure it hates me because i haven't heard of anyone else having as much bad luck on that river as i have.

last summer we floated the provo river when stacy came to visit. we had fun, but it was also horrible because we weren't very good at navigating and kept screaming as we ran into every single rock and tree along the way. oh, and when we almost drowned that wasn't very enjoyable either. but we did still have fun, it was like a crazy little adventure. at least that's how i remember it.

i decided it would be a good idea to join lindsey, andrea and the ward to float the provo river yesterday. i had kind of been wanting to do it again and it was going to be free, so i jumped at the opportunity. this was a giant mistake. it has been blazing hot lately but we chose to go on the coldest day of the summer. i knew it would be cold, but i thought maybe that would just add to the adventure. it sure did.

andrea, lindsey and i started down the river in our tubes. we didn't want to get separated, so we held onto each other. the water was pretty darn cold, but we were okay once our body parts started to go numb. then as we are just floating down and minding our own business, this family comes by on a raft and they thought it would be a good idea to throw buckets of glacier water on us. they just laughed and laughed because apparently we didn't look cold enough or wet enough.

it seems that if you hold onto each other's tubes it is more difficult to navigate, but we didn't figure this out until about half way, so we ran into everything and it was quite painful, especially because we were so cold. then we got stuck by this huge branch, so we just thought we could push off it and go on our merry way. ummm, that isn't exactly what happened. andrea got sucked under the branch and her tube capsized. i literally was thinking, "oh my gosh, andrea is going to die." seconds later i get sucked under, then lindsey right after me. as the current dragged me along all of the rocks at the bottom of the river (thank goodness it was shallow, otherwise i most likely would have drowned) i was trying with all my might to hop back onto my tube, and i just couldn't do it for the life of me. i was pretty much terrified at this point and finally was able to get on.

then it came time to get out and walk around the bridges. since i had just gotten drenched from head to toe, i was so cold i could barely use my muscles to lift my tube and get out. with some help i was able to get out and put my flip flops back on and start walking, which is really painful from all the dragging and my big toe was bleeding. a good looking and nice man noticed our uncontrollable shivering and the flatness of our tubes and offered to pump them up for us, which made a huge difference. he was really nice and told us he couldn't believe they let us go out because we could get hypothermia. for reals. we didn't stop shaking the entire time while he was talking to us and pumping up all of our tubes.

we got back in and had learned our lesson, so we didn't connect tubes and ended up doing the last half of the river alone. i don't think i have ever prayed that much in my entire life. i paddled the entire time and kept asking Heavenly Father to help me get down as quickly as possible because i was not having fun, and to help me navigate so i wouldn't get hurt anymore. Heavenly Father answers prayers guys, because i didn't have anymore complications and i got down that river pretty darn fast. it isn't too much fun doing it alone, and it also isn't very fun when little boys sitting on the rock you can't get away from think it is really funny to splash you. i was so annoyed and of course yelled at them as i floated away. "thanks a lot, reeeeeallly appreciate it."

i got to the end and was luckily able to get out without any complication, unlike the first time. some man helped me put up my tube and another guy laughed at me while i was convulsing at the side of the river waiting for lindsey to get out so i could get my towel. we sat in the car with the heat on and i really don't think i stopped shivering until i got home. my arms are chafed from all the paddling and my whole body hurts. i'm slightly bitter.

in summation...if i ever suggest we float the provo river, please refer me back to this post.

*this was really long, so if you made it the whole way, you can have a prize.


Alexandra said...

a) prize?!
b) I am laughing only because you live to tell the tale. SORRY!
c) I refrained from writing down that quote from 'Girls...Fun' because I thought it a tad too vulgar. But THANK YOU pudge! ahaha!

Linds said...

NEVER AGAIN...i mean never this time.