oh my

so today's police beat in the daily universe had an interesting piece of "suspicious activity."

nov. 5: a man in his 60s and a woman in her 20s showed up at the morris center. they went to the back of the cafeteria where the woman posed provocatively while the man took her picture. an employee asked who they were and the man said he was a byu alumnus. they were gone when the police arrived.

okay...

reader's forum

i am growing to love the daily universe. last week this letter was in the reader's forum:

I was horrified by the photo of Michael Phelps that appeared in The Daily Universe on Monday. Phelps, a rather muscular and good looking man, was shown shirtless along with another attractive swimmer.

Doesn’t The Daily Universe understand the women of BYU’s campus cannot lead virtuous lives with clean thoughts when they’re presented with pornography at every turn?

What makes this problem even worse, though, is the fact that male sports teams all across campus routinely practice with their shirts off. Perhaps men, in their own purity and innocence, don’t understand how the female mind works. Seeing a woman in a bikini has no effect on a man, so he doesn’t understand what it does to a woman when she sees a topless man.

Let me explain: unlike men, we can only control our thoughts to a point. When men walk around half-naked, they turn themselves into pornography, and thus they tempt us.

So, out of my deep love and respect for the men on this campus, I beg them: please stop turning yourselves into pornography. Show yourselves enough respect to cover up and save the sight of your naked torso for your wife. Besides, women need you to be the gate-keepers of chastity.

-Emily BelangerLee, N.H.

at first i thought this girl was serious and then i thought she had to be kidding, but i still wasn't quite sure until i looked on the daily universe website. click here to read all the responses. i don't know if you will, but i got quite a kick out of what some of the squares at byu said. some people just need to relax.

on the beat

this is completely unrelated to the following post, but pandora just mixed aly & aj into my music...awkward.

if you have not had the opportunity to read the daily universe today, you are missing out. the daily universe is usually pretty boring in the summer, but not today.

highlight of the reader's forum...a byu student is gay. who would have thought it was possible? pretty sure i did and anyone else that has ever step foot on campus. i gotta give props to someone who isn't afraid to come out at byu.

oh police beat, how i love you...

jul 3: officers responded to a suspicious person at the bookstore upset about the deodorant selection. the person picked up a stick of deodorant, kicked it across the floor, then paid for the deodorant and left.

you know what brigham young university?

i am a little upset with you.

next time you decide to close an entire y lot (especially the y lot i park in everyday) could you give me a little notice? so i don't have to search for another y lot and park even farther away from my building and be late for work, since i work for you? i would really appreciate it.

i would also really appreciate it if you built a parking garage for students. i know the concept of doing something for students instead of faculty and alumni is mind blowing, but i think we would all benefit from it. thanks.

it's finally here.

the best of winter 2009 police beat. click here to see the full list of hilariousness.

this is one of my favorites:

Feb. 22: Police received a complaint from Wyview about three male individuals with white masks dancing around a car while the complainant and her boyfriend were inside. They said they felt threatened. The masked men were gone when police arrived.

you just know that these people were making out in their car and the masked individuals thought it would be funny to dance around them. i commend these individuals, pretty creative. word to the wise - if you don't want people to harass you while you make out, try going to a bit more discreet location than the parking lot in front of your apartment complex. just a suggestion. though i guess this was at wyview and pretty much everyone that lives there is a giant square...

here are a couple other jems:

March 13: A student walking near the Crabtree Building reported being hit in the face by a small hard object thrown from a passing car. The student discovered the object to be a Skittle. The victim got the license plate of the car, but the owner of the car denied any involvement in the incident.

March 21: The body of the Cougar statue at LaVell Edwards Stadium was found sprayed with the phrase “Rent Me” in shaving cream. The eyes were filled with the cream, too.

priceless.

police beat

in my four years at byu, i have rarely read the daily universe and the five times i have actually picked it up all i do is read the police beat. if you aren't familiar with the police beat, it is this section in byu's newspaper (the daily universe) that talks about all the ridiculous things that people call the campus police about. here are some highlights from today's police beat...

misdirected call: A professor received a call from an unknown male party at his office. the young male was upset at his girlfriend about an illicit affair and started swearing. it appeared he had the wrong number.

nuisance: police received a call from a professor in the jfsb who reported hearing a noise sounding like a horn every 15 minutes. other professors said the noise sounded like a bird, superman and a race car. the sound turned out to be an air conditioning issue.

welfare check: an officer received a dispatch about a person sleeping on a metal grate between the hinckley center and tanner building at 6 a.m. the man said he was leaving town and the officer asked him if he needed help.

unfounded theft: a student reported his vehicle missing but later discovered it in a different parking lot.

click here to see the best of the police beat for last semester. i dare you not to laugh out loud.