fear of the unknown.

as many of you know, i live my life in fear. i am afraid of everything and i don't know why. one of these fears that has been occupying my mind a lot lately is my fear for the future and i have this overwhelming feeling of uncertainty.

remember when you first came to college and had this little plan for your life and the thought never occurred to you that things would go even slightly different than you imagined? oh sweet naive little freshman pudge. she thought so many things of her future and little did she know, nothing would turn out the way she thought.

a huge part of me is so grateful that things haven't gone the way i though they would. i have learned so much and i wouldn't trade the majority of my experiences for anything. i have met some pretty amazing people and have grown in so many ways.

after this semester i will only have 11 credits left in college and will graduate in december. this sounds so glorious right? no more class, tests, homework, papers and the list goes on. but let's just think about this for a second. when i graduate i am going to have to get a real job in the real world. i can go anywhere in the entire world and this terrifies me. where do i go? what do i do? will my college degree have really helped find a career? honestly, my major has really just taught me how to be an amazing housewife and it doesn't look like that is going to be happening anytime soon. so, what am i going to do?

even more things to fear - complete independence. my parents aren't going to pay for anything and i am going to be completely cut off. i have a sneaking suspicion that they pay for a lot more than i think they do. what am i going to do when i have to pay my own cell phone bill and have to somehow find health and auto insurance? i don't have money for these things? how am i going to survive?

i just feel like i have no idea what my future holds and it is a little scary. is there any point to making plans and thinking about your future? is anything even going to turn out the way i think it will? how do you deal with the fear?

a beautiful weekend.

if i could use one word to describe this weekend it would be...beauty.  i had my step kardio fusion class on saturday morning, no exams, the weather was gorgeous, and i watched sofia coppola's marie antoinette twice.  

yes, i said it, twice.  i remember anxiously waiting for the movie to come out in theaters in the fall of 2006.  stacy and i saw it and left the theater a little disappointed.  i thought the music (the cure, siouxsie and the banshees, dustin o'halloran, the strokes - how could you not love it?) was amazing and promptly added it to my christmas wishlist.  i thought that was about all it had to offer.

i was definitely singing a different tune this time.  i don't think i have ever seen a prettier movie in my entire life.  the colors are beautiful, muted blues, pinks and minty greens.  the costumes were phenomenal and from what i have learned in my history of apparel class, quite accurate for the time period.  i want one of those dresses.  the food was beautiful.  can i just sit around all day and eat pretty sweets?  also, can i run around versailles all day with my friends listening to cool music?  in true sofia coppola form, there is very little dialogue in the movie, but that is part of what makes it so intriguing.  i can't exactly pinpoint what it is, but this movie has just affected me and i can't stop thinking about it.

hello gorgeous

i don't know much about the life of marie antoinette other than what i saw in the movie, but it seems to me that she had a somewhat difficult life and was misunderstood.  while i do not agree with all of her actions, spoiler alert: i.e. her affair with count fersen - though he was quite nice to look at.  but i do think she was placed in a very difficult situation at a very young age and she dealt with it the best she could - by living a life of excess.  

if you are ever in the mood for beauty and intrigue i would highly recommend marie antoinette.

*side note: i just want to let you all know that i wrote this while i was supposed to be writing a 4 page paper that is due in about 9 1/2 hours that i have barely started.  why do i do these things to myself?

have you seen this?

please tell me you have seen the secret life of bees. this movie is amazing. i read the book a couple years ago and thought that it too was amazing, but the movie just affected me so much more - probably because i am a visual person. i saw the movie twice in the theater (big deal when you're poor) and rented it the week it came out on dvd. i thought it was well cast which is surprising because i don't really like queen latifa or alicia keys, but they all played their parts so well, especially dakota fanning. i am so impressed by dakota, she is such a good little actress. she has this presence in a movie that is remarkable for only being 15 years old and she has been that way ever since she started acting. she reminds me of my niece, so maybe i am a little biased. anyway, the movie is wonderful. if you haven't seen it, please do - it will make you feel so good inside. you will want to cry the entire movie and if you're like me, you will cry through the entire movie.

i don't want to spoil anything, so i will just tell you this - moral of the story: everyone deserves to be loved.

anyone else as mesmerized with this movie as i am?

heat wave

a funny thing happens in provo this time of year.  on the days that it gets above 40 degrees, everyone goes mad.  people are outside, everywhere.  campus is booming with people sitting outside, throwing around footballs, laying on the grass (if they can find any spots without snow), and i can almost guarantee there are some people laying out at the king henry pool.   i remember around this time my freshman year, helaman halls was constantly filled with people doing whatever they could to enjoy the "warm" weather.  

and then all of a sudden, summer clothing appears.  in february.  yes, the warmth is glorious.  but seriously, why are all these people wearing short sleeves, capris/shorts, and flip flops?  are they slightly delusional?  it is still winter people and i hate to break it to you, but you kind of look like a fool.  maybe it's just me, but i am a strong believer in dressing according to the season.  50 degrees just does not mean you can wear shorts.  maybe i feel this way because i had a sane mother who wouldn't let us wear shorts until it got to at least 65.  don't get me wrong, i love not having to wear a coat and just wearing a light jacket.  i love taking the slightly longer way to class because i am not freezing my butt off.  i love that i don't have to run to buildings from my car to avoid the cold.  i love feeling the sun on my skin.  but really?  shorts?  how are you not freezing?  is it because you're from utah and everyone that lives here worships california and likes to pretend they are there?  i just don't get it.  am i the only one that is bothered by this?

birthday!

happy belated birthday pudge!  i can't believe you turned 1 on january 26th and i completely forgot...my apologies.  here's to another year of glorious blogging!

daily dose of preciousness.

i came across the cutest website today, modcloth.com.  when i first saw the name i thought, "oh great, another mod/modesty company."  but it's not a modesty company.  "mod" refers to the mod fashion movement and the company's clothes are "retro, indie and vintage."  anyhoozies, the clothes were so precious and somewhat moderately priced, still outside of my starving student budget, but a girl can dream right?  here are some of my favorites...

 

doesn't this top just scream "PAIGE"???  i need it.

if i had my ears pierced, i would definitely wear these little numbers.

i have a sickening obsession with plaid.

i would recommend listening to "la vie en rose" by edith piaf while perusing the site to enhance your experience, i know it made me feel rather precious.

definitely obsessed.

last summer my family was up at my grandparents' home for father's day. since the babies aren't all together very often now, i decided to follow them around with my 35 mm and snap away. they are all just too precious.

grayson alexander

london diane

afton elle

scarlett anne

rheagan coralie

police beat

in my four years at byu, i have rarely read the daily universe and the five times i have actually picked it up all i do is read the police beat. if you aren't familiar with the police beat, it is this section in byu's newspaper (the daily universe) that talks about all the ridiculous things that people call the campus police about. here are some highlights from today's police beat...

misdirected call: A professor received a call from an unknown male party at his office. the young male was upset at his girlfriend about an illicit affair and started swearing. it appeared he had the wrong number.

nuisance: police received a call from a professor in the jfsb who reported hearing a noise sounding like a horn every 15 minutes. other professors said the noise sounded like a bird, superman and a race car. the sound turned out to be an air conditioning issue.

welfare check: an officer received a dispatch about a person sleeping on a metal grate between the hinckley center and tanner building at 6 a.m. the man said he was leaving town and the officer asked him if he needed help.

unfounded theft: a student reported his vehicle missing but later discovered it in a different parking lot.

click here to see the best of the police beat for last semester. i dare you not to laugh out loud.

turn me loose

please tell me you have seen the movie wet hot american summer. it is incredibly random, awkward, inappropriate and hilarious. unfortunately it is rated r (i promise i watched it in my past life before i gave up r-rated movies) so i guess i can't really recommend you watch it, unless you do watch r-rated movies, then by all means. this is by far the greatest scene in the movie and there is nothing inappropriate about it, so enjoy. oh, and if you haven't seen this before it most definitely will change your life. pay close attention to the guy on the motorcycle, especially when he gets to the haystack.

eryn--thank you for bringing it into my life oh so many years ago.

if you are like me and are longing for summer, i would recommend the movie meatballs to appropriately satisfy your need for a movie about a summer camp in the 70s. heavyweights is also always a great summer camp movie too. why is it not summer and why was i never a camp counselor? maybe that's what i'll do this summer...

honestly, how could you resist?

dear john krasinski,

remember how on sunday night's special episode of the office jim was all precious and broke up pam's parents' marriage because he loves pam so much?   remember how you and jim halpert are pretty much the same person?  please tell me you are.  remember how i'm in love with you?

love, 

paige